Parenting Patterns -Really !!!!!
When I first heard this word during my Conscious Parenting learnings,I wondered as what could it possibly be .
Aren’t we all parenting the same way we have been parented or the way our culture,society ,friends ,relatives do parenting. I know ,with definite exceptions ,of being aware of not repeating certain patterns which inflicted pain during our childhood ,which we decided to never do to our children .
What could be about the patterns which could affect our children as all we do is for their good and they need our guidance . Nothing can question the intentions of parent but how we approach ,what energy we bring ,are we operating from FEAR or Authenticity , colors these patterns.
Most of our patterns are conditioned by society , culture ,comparisons,judgements and FEAR .
Fear of being left out, fear of not being a good parent,fear of what others will think, fear of future of our child ,are few of the fears we operate from . When we color our parenting with these fears , then we use every possible way to get our fear out of our way.
For example ,if child is not performing well in maths/music/drama/art/sports , our fear of what will happen to our child in future depends on our patterns of us giving importance to particular.Most of us fall into category of importance to anything academics as we fear lack of academics as failure .
Isn’t it all from our conditioning which didn’t let us question our lack ? And as we don’t reflect on our lack , sit with it , we continue to inflict our fear on our children , robbing them of their authenticity.
Few choices of reflecting on these patterns and course correcting them :-
- Being Aware . Every change beings with Awareness. Being aware of the pattern , of fear , of lack is the first big step .What do you feel , what arises in you when you child fails in a subject or any other situation which triggers you . Is this feeling arising from comparison ,judgement or the old story pattern of parenting.
- Acceptance . ACCEPT the current ,present situation as it is , sans of any story , any judgement ,any expectations . This is the situation right now , not what will happen in future , not what which society say , not why him , not any story of failure which has been our conditioned pattern.
- Reflect .Reflection on the situation without any attachment lets us find creative solutions. So after acceptance of present moment AS-IS , we dwell into it without fear or expectations .In case of academics , we try to find solutions based on what’s current situation and with creativity and vigour .
Just remember that your choices makes huge impact on how your child perceives life. Do you want to continue with same patterns or disrupt patterns for your children and future -choice is YOURS
HAPPY REFLECTING 🙂