“He doesn’t share with me .If he would have shared , we would have helped him out. We have been so open and free with him and have never put any pressure or restriction on him , then why is he not sharing with us “-Parents asked me during session with their teenager.
Teenager has being under peer pressure and got himself into emotional trouble and was scared of sharing his emotions with his parents . Parents got to know from outside sources and friends.
As a parent to teenager myself, I could clearly see the helplessness of parents and hurt from not being trusted after so many years of loving and freedom based parenting.
As they asked for solution to this ,I recalled a quote by J.Krishnamurti.
FIX MY CHILD
It can be challenging for parents to understand that the situation is co-creation of them and their parenting style as a no child comes in this world with issue of distrust as they trust parents completely for their survival and well-being . All they wanted was to fix the child so that he shares his emotional issues with them but child was not willing to open his heart .
It was very clear that parents were not able to understand the reason why child couldn’t open up
For trust in any relationship , we need to follow few rules:-
Non -judgemental acceptance is at the core of trust in any relationship . One will only be safe and comfortable to open up if he/s he feels that he is accepted as it is and is not judged. With conscious parenting , it’s the first step , which needs lots of questioning and work around parents belief system.
Understanding the need of the child – All our actions and behaviours are propelled by our thoughts, which in turn are to satisfy our needs . we all operate from few basic emotional needs of being loved, acknowledged and approved. It’s really important for us parents to understand as what need of our child is met or unmet by us and how we help ourselves and him to navigate through those emotional terrains.For deeper understanding of needs and emotions , I highly recommend book by American Psycholigst “Non-violent communication by Marshall Rosenberg “.
Self -Analysis -Analysing one’s own thoughts and emotions , one’s own belief system we are operating from is the first step ,a parent could take , during any disconnect between child and parent and chances are that parent might need to re-parent themselves.One can take help of therapist, journal thoughts and emotions,read books, engage in meditation ,listen to wisdom teachers and approach his child with fresher conscious perspective ,leading to more safer ,deeper and trustworthy relationship.
Parenting is a journey ,to grow one’s own consciousness and empower self and children.
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