Do you lose your calm when your child doesn’t listen to your wisdom?
The reason our child rocks our calm boat more than any other being is that this relationship is most deeply connected to our being and it’s the only relation which one can’t escape or deviate from or break from.
Tweens and teens are at an age where they have surpassed or are in process of surpassing, their emotional dependency on parents or caretakers.
With their prefrontal cortex, still developing, adolescents do need parental wisdom, guidance, and support but at the same time need autonomy and connection in relationships.
Points to ponder on:-
- What could be the possible reason for your adolescent to listen to you?
- Does he/ she feel connected to you before even tuning in?
- Can we correct or advise someone without even being in their bandwidth, understanding them?
Like most parents, do you feel that your teens are not communicating enough and don’t leave enough options to connect?
What’s your child’s bandwidth for emotional connection?
Do you know how would your child want you to show up during his/her emotional turmoil?
Does he/she want a coach, a friend, a mentor or a caretaker, or simply some who hears without judgment and holds safe space?
Author Gabor Maté & Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist, suggests to ‘reattach’ to sons and daughters, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children’s loyalty and love.
Tips for parents of teens and tweens
- Connecting before correcting or advising is the key to tune in your child’s bandwidth.
- Without tuning in, what you say will fall on deaf ears
- The child might hear advice and wisdom of parent, might or might not gain/implement due to lack of connection.
- Without understanding your child’s perspective, without giving him/her a chance to explore choices, you can’t hope for them to follow your advice.
- Judgment is the enemy of connections and kills chances of understanding the person, so question your beliefs behind those judgments.
Parenting teens with calm and joy
- Collect before connect -Approach your child with unconditional love, the way you felt when you collected your one-month-old child.
- Connect with curiosity – Be curious to know/wonder what could be going on in that mind
- Ask Reflective questions – Something to understand the situation more objectively and something for your child to reflect on
- Be more coach-like – Parenting needs to shift from caretaker, fixer, problem solver to coach and mentor.
- Be open to the process and grow, learn together on your child’s journey.
- Calm and patience can be attained by being open to deconstructing your belief, navigate your triggers, and communicating with the intent of connecting.
Ways to attain Patience in Parenting
- Read, listen, and learn about mindfulness and its implementation during your parenting journey.
- Reflect on your parental triggers at a deeper level, to understand yourself and your child better. Most of your triggers could be deep-rooted in your preconditioned beliefs.
- Join like-minded parents on a consciousness journey.
- Reach for coaching services for tools, tips, and learning ways of calm, connected parenting.
- Fine-tune your thoughts, beliefs, and empathy to connect with your adolescents with compassion.